Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Household projects 2010

When I am procrastinating something important, I turn to the solace of nesting, or perfecting my environment to optimum efficiency and emotional comfort.
Recent projects include:
Cuspidor Hat Rack
Step one, find a spittoon ( or other vessel)
Step two, fill it with concrete
Step three, insert crutch (or other post)
Step four, let dry,
Step five, attach hooks
This profoundly ugly thing has made my coats 70% easier to locate.

Step one, inherit spectacularly hideous lamp from previous tenant.
step two, find undersized lampshade near bus stop
Step three, remove plastic shade covering, weave on soiled and otherwise unwearable neckties.
Step four, run out of appropriate ties, remove all of them, and put lamp in storage for six months.
Step five, find box of christmas lights being thrown out by your neighboring tenant.
Step six, weave these around the shade frame.
Step seven, bask in the glorious meta-illumination.

Cheery mood-lighting without the post-collegiate shame!

Nightstand shelf
Step one, have you parents live next to a kooky but pleasant man who likes to leave things by the fence for your father to burn, like a small toolshelf
Step two, steal it (this is really hard to do on foot)
Step three, re-paint it (might be a good idea to buy a brush next time)
Future projects include: new feet for armchair, replace stereo, brace hatrack post, new shelves for bar cabinet.

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